Humor

The Future is even weirder than you imagine

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Essay by Stephen Lyons

Humor – February 2000 – Colorado Central Magazine

ONLY FOOLS PREDICT the future, which is why I’m perfect for the job.

What a century it’s been! Who could have guessed that you could get a decent cup of coffee in southeastern Utah and that three rare species would make incredible comebacks: rottweilers, condors, and Jerry Brown. Who had the vision to predict that one of the most popular bumper stickers in eastern Washington would say, “Save Our Dams”? Or that Ted Turner would own 1 percent of all the land in New Mexico?

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Heard around the West

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Brief by Betsy Marston

Humor – February 2000 – Colorado Central Magazine

Shall We Dance?

Have cows been getting a bad rap? Do their bovine exteriors hide graceful interiors? Peoa, Utah, resident Randy Barton did not know, but he hoped that dressing cows for the ballet would at least draw an audience and help raise money for the town’s two parks.

“Clad in nothing but tutus,” the Cow Ballet drew crowds, and though they did not dance, says Barton in the Salt Lake Tribune, they did constitute “kind of an artistic vision.”

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The Thanksgiving Suggestion List

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Brief by Martha Quillen

Humor – November 1999 – Colorado Central Magazine

Here are some things to be thankful for this November 25th that you might not have thought of.

As always we can be thankful that we live in the Colorado Rockies, in a beautiful state, in a democratic nation. But this year we can be even more grateful that we don’t live in New York State where the choice seems to be narrowing down to Hillary Clinton versus Rudolph Giuliani.

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3 men in a bar

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Brief by Anonymous

Humor – May 1999 – Colorado Central Magazine

3 men in a bar

A Californian, a Texan, and a Coloradan walked into a bar and each ordered a drink.

After downing his white wine spritzer, the Californian tossed the delicate stemware over his shoulder, where it shattered.

“Why on earth did you do that?” the bartender asked.

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Guaranteed psychic predictions for 1997

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Brief by Martha Quillen

Humor – January 1997 – Colorado Central Magazine

UFOs will be sighted in that great mysterious valley that lies under the Sangre de Cristos south of the Heart of the Rockies.

Rescue workers will valiantly seek a hiker who wandered into the mountains without food, water or adequate protective clothing.

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