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You know you live in Colorado when …

Brief by Robert Birney

Humor – November 1999 – Colorado Central Magazine

You know you live in Colorado when…

You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

You thought “Californication” would be banned by Amendment 2.

You’re actually proud of “South Park.”

You have a business degree and are frying burgers at McDonald’s.

You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home from work and he stops at the day care center.

You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck or Cheyenne that wears a bandanna.

You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting.

You’ve never seen the tourist attractions in your own city.

All summer you thought a redneck named “Bubby” was gonna be your quarterback.

A pass does not involve a football or a woman.

You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding.

Your SUV tire size exceeds your IQ.

Your real Y2K fear is running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.

The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You personally wouldn’t pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth … but you tell all your house-guests to do it.

You can recite the entire Bible from memory, but can’t remember to use your turn signal (oh those Colorado Springs folk).

You get depressed after one day of foggy weather.

You wear the latest fashions a year after they went out of style.

You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

North means “mountains to the left;” south is “mountains to the right;” and east and west are where all those damn conservatives keep moving in from.