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An E-tax for E-tailers could provide virtual E-services?

Brief by Anonymous

Local government – May 2000 – Colorado Central Magazine

In response to the overwhelming clamor from Congress to forego taxing e-commerce, America’s municipalities are announcing a new initiative, E-tax for E-Tailers. Yes, cities and towns from around the U.S. are listening and have responded in a way that provides fairness and equity to all.

The essence of the program is the imposition of the new E-tax on all Internet commerce. This new tax will be a virtual tax, devoid of substance and reality. However, the new tax will be used by local governments throughout the country to support new municipal E-Services. These services will be provided to all E-Tailers and their customers proportionate to their relative contribution to the respective E-General Funds.

For the rest of the country’s building-based walk-up retailers and their customers, services will be the old fashioned kind. Police Officers will respond in real vehicles. Parks will be made of grass and playgrounds. Firefighters will use wet water. And so on…

On the other hand, the new virtual services supported by virtual dollars will have no limits. Every community will have a web site bought and paid for by E-taxes with the full array of E-Services available at the punch of a mouse.

The former Mayor of Denver, Federico Peña, had a campaign line that brought out the future Net Heads in droves. “Imagine a great City” he would say, long before the onset of Gore’s Internet. He has since gone to work for Clinton, been caught up in a scandal of his own and has lost any rights he might have to this great idea. In spite of this sad story, the following is presented:

E-PARKS — imagine green grass everywhere and no weeds, children laughing (not a single one crying) while playing on the new playground equipment, dogs without poop, peaceful nooks and crannies without a moment’s concern about being jacked, Frisbees that never hit you in the head, and cotton candy that doesn’t stick to your hands. Yes, it can be all yours with your E-dollars. Just flip to the web site, put on your VR headset and enjoy.

E-POLICE — Got an emergency. Just punch that icon and watch them roll. We just pray that you are being robbed by E-Bandits, and not the real ones. Our regular Police know your number and just don’t have the resources to respond but will be happy to immediately link you to the proper site for the E-response. Keep them E-dollars rolling as E-crime is going up.

E-FIREFIGHTERS — Hope that conflagration is computer-based. If it is, the finest E-force in the country will respond. Make sure you invest in a high-speed modem to assure a minimum amount of E-destruction. For real fires, grab your computer, your backside and jump.

E-WHATEVER — You get the idea…

Bottom line… No representation without taxation is the American way. You want the goods and services, put up the loot. You want corporate socialism, ask Congress.

— from a former public administrator in Central Colorado