Letter from Clay Warren
Skunks – May 1997 – Colorado Central Magazine
Dear Ed and Martha:
Ah’m writing this letter of thanks on behalf of my hound, Blotch. Blotch, as you may recall, is the one which was once described as what a cross between an Appaloosa stallion and a black-and-white paint mare would look like, iffin’ they was dogs. Blotch would have written this himself, ‘ceptin’ he’s too far-sighted, and his nose always touches three keys at once. Makes for real difficult deciphering of his spelling.
Well, anyways, Blotch tangled with a skunk the other night. It was one of Mabel and Steve Hall’s pet skunks, but that didn’t matter a damn. Blotch got fumed real good, powerfully good some would say. I know I certainly would, ’cause I was standing next to the haystack about 20 feet away. Fortunately, I was upwind o’ the big event. I mean to tell you, half this poor mutt’s face was yellow-brown from the cloud.
It was cold and snowy that evening, so I didn’t want to leave him outside, like where my coat spent the night. Now I might have anyway, ‘ceptin’ he was chained by the back door and it was just like he was right inside! Something just had to be done, and soon.
Then I remembered some secret formula for deskunking pets that had been published in Colorado Central. And while I never met Evelyn Wood, I did manage to rip through more’n three years of back issues in plumb short order, till I found the right one. I’d have found it quicker if I’d been lookin’ for the picture of the skunk y’all so helpfully ran with the recipe.
Anyway, like Dick Scar reported previously, it works great. Which is real good ’cause I was about to the point where Blotch’s whining was gonna cause me to do something to ease both of our misery, and I might’ve regretted that later, on top of the fine.
It, the recipe that is, kills the smell almost immediately — all except the one side where the aroma might have gotten absorbed into his skin because it was so thick, and maybe the mucus tissues of his nose. Anyway, it fixed him enough to let him into the house after a regular bath.
No, he did not turn blond — that is either another dog altogether or you’re mistakin’ him for that big stray cat that lives under the porch next door.
I’ve got one word of caution, however. You might suggest folks coat their hands with Vaseline before actually touching the mutt with the mixture, because that civet cat perfume gets into the quick of your nails, and into the pores of the skin. I hope to soon be able to go back to eating without holding my nose shut.
Anyway, Blotch says thanks to y’all, which is to say he’s quit whining and rubbing his face on the ground.
Clay Warren Pseudonymous in Poncha for Blotch the Dog himself