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Watch out, Central Colorado!

Letter from Joanna Sampson

Growth – August 2001 – Colorado Central Magazine

Watch out, Central Colorado!

Ed & Martha:

A pesky varmint is overrunning the mountains and plains of Eastern Colorado and appears to be spreading to other parts of the state. This varmint multiplies rapidly. It ruins its environment, destroying as it advances. It is dirtier than the infamous pack rat, and spreads filth into the air, water, and soil.

There is no bounty on this varmint. Nothing is being done to reduce the number of young spawned each year. The offal accumulating near nesting grounds piles up by the ton where the resulting toxic filth has reached epidemic proportions.

In the most congested areas, fighting breaks out in the dens. The young become vicious under crowded living conditions and run in packs.

This animal has messy personal habits similar to those of pigeons and rats. In addition it also has a distressing habit of burrowing in the earth and scraping hideous scars above ground.

The critter is omnivorous, eating both flesh and vegetable matter. It leaves entire fields stripped and slaughters whole herds of cattle and sheep. It also indulges in the nasty habit of killing for the joy of killing.

In any colony, handsome individuals may be found. At its best, this is a fascinating creature, gentle, intelligent, and capable of performing many constructive tricks. On the other hand, any given colony produces frightful specimens… vicious, stupid, and greedy beasts that are exceedingly dangerous.

These animals reproduce at a frightening rate. It is just a matter of time until they overrun our state.

A few may be taken during Colorado’s big game season, but the practice is frowned on in some circles. No restrictions have been placed on its increasing birth rate.

It is not likely that restraints will be imposed to control this dangerous animal in the near future. Why? Because, of course, we are the animals that cause all the above mentioned problems!

Joanna Sampson